Her Captivating Fate

I woke up today feeling a bit moody perhaps in a hormonal month again. Gaahh, do we ever talk about this, my beloved woman? I thought to myself I will sleep some more since it still is a holiday. My mind is a battlefield and it’s even harder to resist thinking without sulking at theories. Do you ever feel that way too?

I just finished my quiet time with the Lord. It was one of those moments when I feel like myself again, the real me. The one battling from thoughts over thoughts. And I was crying like a baby longing for a parent. It’s always these moments I find the courage to speak forth what’s been plugged into my heart. The deepest corner of my heart.

Do you ever feel like rebooting and starting all over again? I do every time I feel like my life isn’t moving forward. Asking GOD to bring me to Paris, New York, and even South Korea to start a new life. But what if He did? What if in a snap of His finger, He takes me there?

Perhaps you’ve read my recent entries, my stories from Instagram, or better yet I’ve told you about the recent happening in my life. I am learning to shut down negativity by unplugging the noises around me. I learned that everyone I came across has a story to tell, they may have a different point of view due to the pain, the hurt others caused them, and the grief they have to live with each day. It takes one phrase for them to be heard, “How are you?”

I guess as we grow older and the fact that I’m turning FORTY next year gives me these iffy gitsy moments of how I lived my life. From wanting to have my own family at the age of 27, to being a single social butterfly at the age of 32 to crazy fangirling at the age of 38. What a turn of events, right? I mean, what’s next for me? I am not sure if I still have the edge to face tomorrow again for the next 5 years. Every big thing I prayed for, I asked the Lord for, weren’t the things unfolding right in front of my eyes. Sometimes, I’d throw tantrums at Him but at the end of my prayer time I’d still utter – “Your will not mine.” But just to let you know, I’m grateful to GOD for the unanswered prayers in my life because, contrary to the world’s uncertainty, the outcome would’ve been worst. There’s one thing I’ve been praying for, to be Mary who simply just sits at the feet of Jesus Christ and just waits for Him to unfold… Gahh, I was busy being Martha the go-getter.

Failures, abandonment, inferiority, these things dominating my mind just because these past three years have been a rollercoaster of emotions and sometimes I feel like giving up. But NO NO NO. A simple NO is also constantly bugging me. I still get hate from people I rarely or haven’t spoken to. I mean, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing that they do remember me or if should I be worried. But the truth is, you don’t matter if you don’t get hated or talked about, right? So might as well be grateful to your haters because it gives you a boost that somehow to them your life is pretty amazing.

What is it that I want to talk about in this post? Well, I just thought of sharing a moment with you and updating you… But I do promise to post about my Boracay trip which I almost forgot and my Dubai trip. How’s that? Gaaah. Should start being inspired to write again. Anyhoo, toodles. Later.

Psalm 37:7 Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait for Him to patiently act.