As I sit here at my favorite coffee shop I wanted to write something in pain and at the same time to write in bitterness but then again I was convicted by the Holy Spirit – “Will this honor GOD?” “Will this give chance to people who still have yet to know Him?” Gaaah. It’s hard believe me.
When I think about 2022, I thought about His unconditional love. I learned to love the unlovable. I learned to forgive myself too. Most people are on to self-care, self-love, me, myself, and I. Well, I learned to sacrifice my happiness in order for others to live and what do I get out of it? Remember the cross of Christ? That’s what I felt. I felt the thorn that was put on Christ Jesus’ head.
I had a wonderful talk with someone today at lunch. It was a conversation with words that comes out of my mouth that was seemingly a little different. And I thought wow, therapy did something in my life. What struck me most is the word – CHOICE. I felt like the word itself is too big now. But it is what it is. We are given life by God. A life that is to unfold by our everyday choices. And these choices make up 50% of our lives because the other half of it is in God’s hands. We can’t control reality but we can control how we respond to reality. That is the choice given to us by God – the creator of the universe.
For example, if the person you are with cheats on you, it is your choice to stay or leave. One step is your choice and the next step is to live out your choice. And no, it’s easier said than done. TRUST ME. Just like in forgiveness. It is your choice as well, to live in bitterness or to live free from holding grudges. And I choose the latter.
I was reminded of the pain of 2022 in my life and I was blamed for something I chose when no one in the liberty of those who knew it backed me up. I took the blame just as I did in my teen years. A sacrifice so they can live peacefully. Gahh. Now I’m remembering Jesus Christ in Gethsemane. When he chose to be quiet. Well, I guess, I intend to be quiet again and let God unfold the truth. After all, I have a bigger GOD as my Savior, He will speak on my behalf and will unfold the truth when the right time comes.
Oh gosh, I feel like I’m maturing after all these years, I’m turning 40 next year though. The last year of my 30’s. How am I not so excited? LOL. There’s one thing I wanna get thing straight when people asked me, “Why aren’t you married? Ang ganda mo kaya…” I know – they told me so. LOL!!! Here’s my answer… An honest-to-goodness answer. I told so many people I don’t wanna get married or even have kids, I mean as I think about all the cheaters in the world? LOL Kiddin’. But I’m waiting for the ONE. I still am. The One that GOD has painted in my dream. The one in my painting. Whoever it is. Well, whether I’m 40 or 60 perhaps, I know that he will come in God’s time. After all, I waited for more than 15 years for him, will I still not wait? Choice.
A painting done by my friend, Andrei S., Yadah Art & Music
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