How Are You?

It’s midnight and I’m feeling anxious. My eyes are watering, my heart is racing, and I’m on the verge of crying once more.

I recently returned from a month-long visit to Dubai. Everyone believes that I had the time of my life. I didn’t and I cannot even tell why. I get messages like, “Kat, enjoy Dubai.” “Kat, what a life” “Kat, beautiful photos”… Well, every photo I took lies a heart that breaks a thousand times.

I find beauty in these sad photographs

I came from Victory Fort today, my home church, and heard Pastor Jojit’s preaching – SELAH, meaning PAUSE. I almost cried as the Bible verses go… Psalm 77:2 ” In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted.” Apparently, I wanted to feel comforted but for some reason my heart simply keeps closing, leaving me frustrated and agitated.

In my life, in my suffering, in my anxieties, I am aware that GOD is at work. I know HE is. While I was in Dubai, He was the only one who helped me with all the happenings around. I called Him for help because I came there with a broken heart and I left Dubai carrying a broken spirit.

Let me tell you a story of a woman who was once joyful and spontaneous. Always on the go, loved everyone around her, empathizes with the ones broken, and reaches out to those who needed comfort. Until one day, she realizes her cup-filled love is now empty… She was under so much pressure that she had to keep giving though she is already drained. It’s not that she doesn’t want to give, she does but she didn’t realize it was too much. She’s not just empty, but she felt like she’s been thrown away. That’s how she feels. That woman is me.

… To be continued


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