And the answer is?
So what am I going to do in July? Check. Check. Check. I’m a planner, and I do things in order, I like to plan things, I even plan my outfit on a simple dinner. I kid you not, and I also prepare my emotions for a specific event. I know, crazy isn’t it? Nah, pretty sure you can relate to me. Ten years ago, I was the spontaneous woman happy go lucky human being who didn’t even care, but now when I look in the mirror, I see a different one.
Last June 23, 2019, in a pitch-black room with just light from a phone, I fell in love with stairs, este I fell in the stairs. Little did I know, it will change my entire world. My friend, who was with me at that time took me to the nearest hospital. Two things why I asked the person to rush me to the ER.
- My mom was out of town. I believe a mother knows what to do when their children are in danger.
- In less than a few minutes, my right foot became swollen.
Sadly, the Emergency Room at St. Lukes Medical Center wasn’t paying enough attention to my right foot. It wasn’t even jam-packed. Instead of putting ice pack right away (later on recommended by my Acoh Rose, who is a Physical Therapist in the US), they just let me sit there waiting for 4 hours. I was left in the X-Ray area because they had forgotten to take me back to the main room. Mind you, the nurse who bandaged my foot gave me an ice pack and told me “sa bahay mo na gamitin yan..” then afterward, the attending doctor asked me “Bakit mo hawak yan? Bakit hindi nailagay?” I know. What’s even worse is that right after I was CAST and realizing I had a foot fracture, no one in the liberty of St Lukes Medical Center in Quezon City helped me to sit in the car. Sariling sikap. The guard whom I thought would even help me was more concerned on the wheelchair. The service at St. Lukes Emergency Room was not worth the P7,000 bill they charged me.
Moving on, I am grateful to my family, especially my brothers, who were like my knight and shining princes. They helped me with all that I needed, and one time even carried me and the other one tagged along with me to my Orthopedic checkups. I had a cast for about a week, and my Ortho suggested I should buy a walking boot to ease my life. The boot cost at P6,000, I have no other choice but to purchase.
The first thing I asked when I went to my Orthopedic was “Doc, can I travel in about a month? And how long is the healing and recovering?” and he just laughed it off and told me “Pwede, basta with the walking boot. It will take six weeks.” I knew right then, and there, my life will change.
“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs19:21
Sometimes GOD will destroy our plans when He sees our plans are going to destroy us.
As you all are aware, I am an outgoing woman. I have lined-up meetings, HK travel, parties, and random hangouts for the whole month of July. So when this happened to me, six weeks of house arrest, it felt like my soul has been stripped off from my body. It may sound absurd for some of you, but that’s how I have lived my life.
The first two weeks were a bit shaky for my faith. I even joined VCF’s Midweek Prayer and Fasting because I wanted my foot to be healed right away. But He had other plans. I was surrounded by good friends who were there to cheer me up like these two in the photo. My best friend Florence has always been there not just in the good times, but she took time and effort to visit me despite her busy life. I am forever grateful to GOD for the gift of our friendship. You are blessed if you find a loyal friend in this changing world. The Bible even agrees to it. Remember David and Jonathan?
As the days went by, my heart started to question GOD. Flashback to that one night when I took my anger out on GOD, “How could you let this happen to me?” “I AM HELPLESS!” “I’ve missed a lot on my social calendar, and you expect me to believe in YOU?” “Are you deaf, GOD?” etc., etc. I broke into tears and asked Him to take me right at that moment. Of course, I repented on these accusations after. It was one horrible week. My self-esteem was so low to the point of distancing myself to everyone else. I was devastated, and my anger was burning inside me. I even blamed the person who was with me when I fell. I knew in my heart, nobody’s fault.
There were also opinionated people, “You should be grateful, others are born disabled, at least minimal fracture lang” etc., etc. Others even forced me to go out already with the boot on, telling me they will help me or better yet “Minimal lakad, nakaupo ka lang” I believe they mean well. But that’s not what I needed at those time, and I’m a hundred percent sure if they were on the same situation as I was, they wouldn’t want their opinions too.
The lowliest week was the saving grace of GOD who showed me what’s really inside my heart. The accident was no accident at all. It was part of a higher plan. Over the years as a Christian, I still rely on my identity to where I belong in society. Athazagoraphobia, my greatest fear in life. Fear of being forgotten or ignored. Since I am a planner and outgoing, I tend to strive harder for the audience to love me even more and never forget me. And if this consistently happens, my whole life will eventually collapse. That’s what GOD had foreseen.
After weeks of my depression, I felt a tiny hope arise in me. God wanted me to see the other side of what it means to seek Him and faithfully obey Him continuously. *Don’t try to build ME into your life anymore, instead, build your life around me.* All these time I was trying to fit GOD into my life and plan when it should be the other way around. Not only did GOD heal the inner fracture of my foot but He gave me a new heart. I am free. Now, is He a God of breakthroughs? He is.
You’d probably wonder how is having a new heart a breakthrough? Over the years I’ve been praying and fasting, my number 1 on my list isn’t to get married. It is to sit at the feet of Jesus Christ, hopeful, with joy waiting for Him to come back. The past six weeks is nothing compared to all the travels I had. He has given me the chance to rest in His presence. He gave me what it means to be a woman after GOD’s own heart. He opened my eyes to what is the truth and to be loved by Him. He let me embrace this rest to be fully complete for His will. That is my breakthrough. This joy in me can never be stolen again because I know now what it means to trust in Him.
My identity is not of this world, nor what I am to my family and friends, my identity is on the cross. God gave His Son Jesus Christ, left Him to be hanged on the cross, died and buried, yet He rose again on the third day… So that in Him, there is everlasting life. This world will pass away, and our bodies will eventually decay, what people think of you will not matter anymore once you are in the grave. Be on alert and look forward to the day when you are standing in front of Jesus Christ, and He tells you with a smile on His face and embraces you, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”
The photo below was taken last week of July. I went out of my way because Philippine Airlines made me do so. I was asking them to waive my rebooking fee. I submitted the Medical Certificate and X-Ray findings. At first, they didn’t grant my request to waive the rebooking fee because as their representative mentioned, “Ma’am prioritize po namin yon na hospitalized.” I was furious. But I persisted. That’s when she said, “Ok Ma’am, I’ll try again and contact the Main Office. But I cannot promise you anything.” As you all know rebooking fee from airlines is pricey plus you need to pay for the adjustment fee. They made me wait for three days, and I prayed to GOD, “Lord, forgive me because of how badly I want this trip to rebook without paying such amount. I surrender this WANT to you. You have a plan and purpose. If they do not waive the fee, I will not push through, will not make a scene nor rant about the airlines. It’s all up to You now.” Guess what happened? The Lord heard my prayer.
My calling in life is intercession, but I keep running away from it. I’ve been lazy, making excuses, the list goes on. Hours before I fell, there was a voice inside me, reminding myself to pray. My heart was stubborn, and I shrugged it off. The Lord, indeed, caught my attention. I am sharing an entry from my diary that I’m keeping for a lifetime.
July 29, 2019
Remember this moment… Remember how overwhelming your heart is. How grateful you are to the GOD your Father not once did He left you. All along He was there, He is there, and He will be there. Remember His love. Remember to receive His love in the morning and at night remember Him still. Psalm 37 go back to this entry and to that verse when you feel weary again. Because I want you to know this moment is a moment you felt that… His Word came true in your life.
Going back to my foot, it still is a bit swollen. Good news is that I am now walking in slippers at home and this week I’m waiting for the doctor’s clearance that I can go out without the boot. This incident that happened to me gave me a whole new perspective about faith and GOD’s love. I have the uttermost respect as well to all the people who are injured and disabled, yet fighting the good fight of faith in this world. It sure is hard to be hopeless and inadequate. I’m with you on that brothers and sisters. But let’s not forget about the fact that you and I are the same, created by ONE Maker. If I can find hope in HIM, so can you. Miracles happen if you let Him in.
Thank you for the time you’ve given me in reading my testimony. I am in faith that you will also share this blog in the hope that those who may be going through tough times will be encouraged. That’s what I’m after when I wrote this one.
To GOD be the glory always.
** – From the book, “When GOD Writes Your Love Story.” – Eric and Leslie Ludy