A diary of an imperfect woman loved by a perfect GOD.
When I Lost My Heart in Summer of 2017.
The first seven months of 2017 has finally come to an end. The toughest season of my life. My scheds so full I was so burnout and stressed to the point of depression. Too active yet too dreadful. But I tell you, at the end of this blog (as well as my season), I found myself flourishing in the love of my Father in Heaven.
How I dealt with my spiritual depression:
First, I acknowledged who my GOD is and who I am in Him.
Secondly, I allotted quiet time each day so I can rest in His love.
Thirdly, I fasted. How joyous it was afterwards.
Lastly, I asked people to pray for me. This is one of the most powerful tools in overcoming depression. The importance of accountability.
“If there’s a promise, there’s a process” quoted by Pastor Dave Estrera of Victory Greenhills.
The chaotic summer of my life seemingly ended but in spiritual realm, it’s only the beginning of God’s preparation for the new season I’m about to get in. Remember Joshua, Joseph and Daniel? The transitions seem unbearable but GOD was with them and HE delivered them to their promised land.
Just to share with you things I’m grateful for the past seven months.
I officially launched my business campaign, my passion on making everyone look good. For more information, check out my FB page Styled by KRE (Also, I would appreciate if you would like my page too. Tee-hee.)
Another important event in my life was the day I attended ENGAGE at Mall of Asia Arena. A time where all the leaders and interns of Victory Christian Fellowship Metro Manila were gathered together and praising the GOD of Heavens! A time where I was on fire for GOD and for His lost sheep.
A week after, I hopped on the plane and head to Palawan. I joined my college friends and betrayed Boracay this summer. 😂 Palawan’s so gorgeous, it was also my first time. We went on a 2-day road trip to El Nido and went back to Puerto Princessa. One of the highlights of El Nido trip was staying in a room with all of us together and one bathroom (forgot the name of the hostel). What a college deja vu. In Puerto Princessa, we stayed at We Traveller’s Inn, a hostel place and I recommend it. They’re very clean and affordable!
After two days arriving in Manila, COLDPLAY hit town and still on high and giddy because I went to watch them. Almost got close and personal with CHRIS M. Oh what a treat!
Here’s the video of ze amazing once in a lifetime experience in Manila!!!
After the momentous concert, I left for Dumaguete. IKR. How did I get into myself with being a jet-setter? Kidding, I’m not. I just needed to accompany my mother to a relative’s wedding and who better to tag along with her? — Me. Her HMUA and Stylist. Oh how I missed my mother’s hometown, the simplicity and safety of the town. Sharing some moments in Dumaguete.
After that weekend, I thought I’d be able to take a rest. Sadly, NO. Of course there are days when life seems nonchalant, being lazy on a Sunday, forgetting quiet time — and the more it happens, complacency steps in. On top of it, I kept saying YES to everyone who asked me out because for me making time is very important since it’s also my love language. And as summer went along, I was caught up with draining dilemma.
“There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.”
NO, is a very agitated word for me. My greatest fear in life is REJECTION. So why should I say NO to people when they needed me or so I thought. I lost appetite in my quiet time. Sure, I may have almost perfected it, but my heart was so far away from my Creator. It’s as if GOD was a genie and He rebuked my heart for it. Nothing is more painful than being disciplined by a Father, isn’t it?
Anyway, when MAY came, I became more busy and anxious. Somehow GOD was trying to teach me an important lesson — a lesson I never thought I would share at the end of this blog. Despite the hustle and bustle, I asked my best friend Florence if we can go on a road trip and booked a nice hotel in Tagaytay. Another one for the books of 2017! I was able to rest and recharged. Sharing you highlights of the trip.
Before heading back to Manila, we had dinner at our favorite Japanese restaurant in the South!!! Sushi Ninja, Alabang. One of ze best Jap restos in the Philippines. MUST visit when you’re in SOUTH!!!!!
After Tagaytay, I forgot that in the same week, I was also heading back to the South, again — in Batanggas this time with another set of friends. From being recharged, it felt draining, not because of my friends but because I feel as if I kept on moving and moving without even stopping. In my mind, my soul feels restless.
Before manic MAY ends, I was also given an opportunity to serve in an event of FRIENDS GREENHILLS (CCF). This gave me a chance to be a servant of the Lord and share the talent He has given me. I was assigned in registration. To gain more friends who love Jesus is one of my faith goals of 2016. So glad I joined FGH.
Apparently. That wasn’t the end of my mad summer, it got extended farther to July. my dearest readers. Every week there are “hangouts” or parties I would attend to. Like going back to Tagaytay again TWICE oh wait, THRICE.. Birthday dinners and the likes… Sharing you more pictures and hoping you won’t get bored. LOL.
I remember a pastor said “GOD is a GOD of relationships”.
He loves it when His children shared lives. Yet HE is also concerned with our heart, with our relationship with HIM. And that’s where I failed. I failed. I became preoccupied with all the plates in front of me that I ignored resting in HIM. Every day I would only rant and ask GOD without even having a heart of praise. Sadly, I would even get mad at HIM when I don’t get what I want. How selfish I became.
Then Jesus said,
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28
Another biggest devastation in the midst of chaos was the desire of marriage. I let the pressure of family and friends get into my head. I even bargained and asked for signs and when I didn’t get it I would rant and throw tantrums at HIM.
Yet GOD has always been a patient GOD.
“This is my command – be strong and courageous!
Don’t be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
I guess the hardest part in my waiting is the fact that GOD has revealed a portion of that desire. The only wisest thing to do is sit back and let HIM unfold on His own timing. One of my friends told me how wonderful it is for GOD to be precised in His will for me but in my head I would think of it as a curse. I would always tell her, “Anong maganda dun? Ni reveal na ni GOD sayo yon tao pero nothing is happening? It’s as if GOD’s been playing my heart!” Even in those darkest time of my life, GOD kept on speaking to me through His Holy Spirit and most of the times, through a passing cab that says “GOD WILL MAKE A WAY…“
Psalm 23, “The Lord is my Salvation, I have all that I needed. He lets me rest in green meadows; He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to His name.”
7th of June 2017, after fasting (because I badly needed to) I was handpicked by ate Josie (Head of Prayer Ministry) to be part of Team Israel 2017. I mean what are the odds, right? ME? A missionary without any experiences? But it wasn’t a mission trip though. It was more of a study tour in Israel and I was one of the chosen ones. To cut it short, I declined the trip. Several reasons I had to consider, like my upcoming trips and events, also finances – I only had less than 4 months to prepare financially and the rest it’s between me and GOD. I believe and knew in my heart, it’s not yet time, I will wait and trust Him.
Psalm 23: “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.”
I was hoping my mother would let me join her HK-Macau trip. And a few days before her departure, Cathay Pacific went on gaga sale. I was missing HK so badly, it’s been 4 years? So grateful my mother said yes and of course, I’m her alalay per se. Plus, my cousin will also be there so I hopped on the cheapest flight. Sharing few moments, a worthy Instagram post. LOL.
The week I left for HK-Macau was also the week of Prayer & Fasting at Victory Malate. When I got back, I was still struggling and didn’t really want to join the P&F individually. But when GOD tells you so, you do it in heartbeat. I’m glad I did and the week after that I also joined CCF’s P&F. I was seeking peace and restoration in my relationship with GOD because the months went by were too shallow and vague. Almost seeing myself loving this fleeting world again. The busyness of life, oftentimes, will make you neglect the most important thing in your heart. I learned to detached from the world and get into the WORD of GOD once more.
Jesus is the Prince of Peace.
In addition to that, I was holding on too much on my desire of marriage it’s as if I’m entitled to be. I searched through the wilderness for 7 years, later on God made me realized the only desire I should be seeking is HIM and HIM alone. After seven long years, I am free from the bondage of too much desire, I was searching for Mr. Right to come along, but no one will ever fill my cup except JESUS. All the while, Jesus Christ is the right man for me. Only He can satisfy my thirsty and needy soul.
Psalm 23: Surely His goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life,
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.
I hope you are able to reach the end of my longest blog without taking a nap, LOL. Whatever season God has put you in, rejoice and have a thankful heart.